The Weight of “Should”
If you’ve ever thought, “I should be able to handle this,” or “I should be doing more,” YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
For many women, the word “should” runs like a constant drumbeat in their minds.
It shows up when you’re trying to juggle too much, when you’re comparing yourself to others, and when you’re feeling the weight of expectations—your own, your family’s, society’s.
But here’s the thing:
"SHOULD" ISN'T HELPING YOU.
It’s keeping you stuck in a cycle of guilt, pressure, and overwhelm.
Let’s explore how rewriting your inner dialogue can help you move from “I should” to “I choose”—creating space for more peace, clarity, and self-compassion.
How “Should” Shapes Your Thinking
Lucia, 43, described her mind as a constant loop of “shoulds.”
“I should work late to get ahead at my job. I should keep the house cleaner. I should be more patient with the kids.”
“I thought these thoughts were motivating me,” Lucia shared. “But the truth is, they made me feel like I wasn’t enough no matter what I did.”
For Lucia, “should” wasn’t just a word—it was a way of thinking that left her feeling inadequate and overwhelmed.
The truth is, “should” often:
Creates guilt. You feel bad about what you’re not doing, even when you’re doing your best.
Adds pressure. It makes you feel like you’re always falling short.
Keeps you stuck. Instead of focusing on what you want or need, you’re stuck chasing expectations that might not even align with your values.
What Happens When You Replace “Should” with “Choose”
Imagine replacing “I should” with “I choose.”
Instead of:
“I should exercise more.”
Try: “I choose to take a short walk today because it helps me feel energized.”
Instead of:
“I should stay late at work again.”
Try: “I choose to leave on time because my family and my rest are priorities.”
When you shift your inner dialogue, you’re not just lightening the emotional load—you’re reclaiming your power to make intentional, value-driven choices.
How to Start Rewriting Your Inner Dialogue
Changing how you think isn’t an overnight process, but small, intentional steps can make a big difference.
Step 1: Catch Your “Shoulds”
The first step is noticing when “should” thoughts come up. Keep a journal or use the notes app on your phone to track them.
Examples of Common “Shoulds”
“I should keep my house spotless.”
“I should be more productive at work.”
“I should always say yes when someone asks for help.”
Action Step: Review your notes at the end of each day. Circle the “shoulds” that felt particularly heavy and choose one to reframe.
Step 2: Reflect on Your Core Values
When “should” thoughts arise, ask yourself:
Is this expectation aligned with my values, or is it coming from external pressure?
What matters most to me in this situation?
Example:
“I should volunteer for the PTA event.”
Value: I want to support my child’s education.
Reframe: “I choose to contribute in a way that aligns with my schedule and energy.”
Exercise: Write down three core values (e.g., family, health, growth) and use them as a guide when deciding what to prioritize.
Step 3: Practice Self-Compassion
When you catch yourself in a “should” spiral, pause and remind yourself:
You’re doing your best.
You don’t have to be perfect.
It’s okay to prioritize your needs.
Affirmations to Shift Your Mindset:
“I am enough, just as I am.”
“My choices reflect my values, not others’ expectations.”
“It’s okay to choose rest.”
A Real-Life Example: How Lucia Found Freedom in Choice
For years, Lucia thought holding herself to impossibly high standards was the key to success. But this only left her feeling exhausted and resentful.
Through therapy, Lucia learned how to:
Recognize when she was using “should” language.
Reframe her thoughts to align with her values.
Let go of guilt and embrace self-compassion.
Today, Lucia says she feels lighter—not because she’s doing less, but because she’s finally giving herself permission to make choices that honor her needs.
How Therapy Can Help You Rewrite Your Inner Dialogue
If you’re feeling stuck in “should” thinking, therapy can provide a supportive space to explore what’s behind it. Together, we can:
Unpack where your “shoulds” are coming from.
Practice reframing your inner dialogue.
Build tools to make choices that align with your values and priorities.
Take the First Step: Download my free guide, “From ‘I Should’ to ‘I Choose’: A Workbook for Rewriting Your Inner Dialogue,” to start making small but meaningful changes today.
What Happens in a Free Consultation?
Curious about how therapy can help? A free 15-minute consultation is a no-pressure way to explore your options.
Here’s what happens:
We talk about what’s feeling hardest for you right now.
We explore what you want your life to feel like.
We create a tentative plan for moving forward.
If we’re a good fit, we’ll move forward together. If not, I’ll help you find someone who is—because you deserve support that fits.
You Deserve Peace and Clarity
Rewriting your inner dialogue isn’t about ignoring your responsibilities—it’s about making space for choices that truly matter to you.
Schedule Your Free Consultation: Let’s discuss how I can help you create an aligned and fulfilling life.
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